So Mom and Dad, let me get this straight - you booked our family's Florida vacation at the Margaritaville resort at a place called Beachwalk, but it's not on a beach? It's a totally man-made lagoon created out of a acres of bulldozed forest with water that is constantly filtered and purified to keep it shiny and sparkly? Just like all major Western Hemisphere versions of God prophesized?
And what other exclusive amenity makes this stand out from the crowded vacation resort crowd? Oh, I see they're building a high school next to it! What a meta-like county CVB secret FunFact! Always thought as great as Cumberland Island was it was missing something...YES, hundreds of rooftops and the commercial and institutional infrastructure to support them! Praise you, Beachwalk, for resoundly answering that clarion call.
So not far away from Roomba Pond, so sorry I mean Beachwalk, there is an actual beach minutes away as the crow flies (since all of its natural habitat has gone tits up)? One that features waves, sunrises, fishing, ocean breezes, and unique shops? Awesome stuff this Beachwalk thingy does not provide?
<violently grabs and shakes Dad's shirt> PLUS THEY HAVE THEIR OWN MOTHERFUCKING MARGARITAVILLE RESORT WHERE YOU COULD HAVE ALSO EARNED THOSE MOTHERFUCKING MargaritavillePerksTM YOU LOVE TO HORDE??!!
