White Woman Learns What It’s Like To Be A Black Mother, Sues

[sheclown]

sperm bank snafu

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/ka422W29tgo?hl=en_US&amp;amp;version=3&amp;amp;rel=0" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/ka422W29tgo?hl=en_US&amp;amp;version=3&amp;amp;rel=0</a>

    01 Oct 2014 at 5:38 PM
    Kids, Minority Issues, Pregnancy / Paternity, Racism   

White Woman Learns What It’s Like To Be A Black Mother, Sues
By Elie Mystal   

This story starts as a sperm bank horror story. A lesbian couple wanted to have a baby, and decided artificial insemination was the way to go. They pored over donor profiles, discussed with family and friends, and finally picked one specimen of biological material that was right for their family.

But the sperm bank sent over the wrong specimen, and didn’t figure out the mistake until the woman, Jennifer Cramblett, was well into her pregnancy. Terrible, right? The sperm bank apologized and gave her a refund, which probably doesn’t even scratch their legal liability. But the woman carried the baby to term and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

Now, two years later, Cramblett wants to sue. The sperm donor mixup really should be enough to support her claims for wrongful birth and breach of warranty. But Cramblett has added a surprising twist to her protestations of harm. It turns out that the incorrect donor was black. Cramblett now claims emotional distress because her family and town are too racially intolerant for her to raise a mixed-race daughter in their midst…

The Chicago Tribune reports on Cramblett’s “fears” and “anxieties” about raising her daughter:

    Cramblett was raised around people with stereotypical attitudes about nonwhites, the lawsuit states, and did not know African-Americans until she attended college at the University of Akron…

    She fears that her “all white and unconsciously insensitive family,” which has never been able to fully embrace Jennifer’s homosexuality, could have a negative effect on her daughter, according to the lawsuit.

    “Though compelled to repress her individuality amongst family members, Payton’s differences are irrepressible, and Jennifer does not want Payton to feel stigmatized or unrecognized due simply to the circumstances of her birth,” the lawsuit states. “Jennifer’s stress and anxiety intensify when she envisions Payton entering an all-white school.”

Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.. WELCOME TO THE SUCK, JENNIFER CRAMBLETT!!! It’s confusing, ain’t it, trying to figure out how to raise a non-white baby around all these crazy-ass white people. It is… EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSING!

Sorry, sorry, it’s just, you have to try to see it from my perspective. This woman is suing people because she’s being forced to live the life of every black parent in this country. This woman couldn’t last two years in the shoes that millions of African-Americans walk every day before crying uncle. A suit like this illustrates how completely freaking clueless some white people are about what it’s like to be black in America.

Let me highlight just one part of her complaint that is just a small window into how the other 14% live:

    24. As just one example, getting a young daughter’s hair cut is not particularly stressful for most mothers, but to Jennifer it is not a routine matter, because Payton has hair typical of an African American girl. To get a decent cut, Jennifer must travel to a black neighborhood, far from where she lives, where she is obviously different in appearance, and not overtly welcome.

No, getting a young daughter’s hair cut is INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL for most mothers… most African-American mothers, at least. Go watch Chris Rock’s movie Good Hair to get just a glimpse of the contradictory and frustrating social messaging black women and their daughters have to deal with. When do you relax your young daughter’s hair, if at all? You know if you do it too young, the chemicals can damage the still fusing skull. And that’s living in a world where you are constantly worried that somebody is going to call your daughter “ugly” or “nappy” because her hair doesn’t come out of Norse myth.

And this lady is bitching about having to drive across town and have black people look at her.

Cramblett says that she used to live in a racially diverse town, Akron, but moved to someplace called Uniontown, which is not diverse because it had better schools. Now, her psychologist suggests that she move to a different town. The complaint also states: “Jennifer is well aware of the child psychology research and literature correlating intolerance and racism with reduced academic and psychological well-being of biracial children.”

YES. Sometimes, black parents have to make a whole different set of life choices just to avoid raising their kids in all-white communities. Do you know how long I looked for a racially diverse elementary school that also didn’t suck in an area I could borrow enough money to get into? WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT if racism were unacceptable in certain communities instead of having the mixed-race children be unacceptable!

Cramblett thinks her problem is the racial mismatch between her and her daughter. But her complaints are not really about the issues of raising a baby that doesn’t immediately look like the same race of the parent (a “problem” that every mixed-race couple has to overcome). Her issues are those that every parent of a non-white child has to deal with, regardless of the race of the parent. Diverse communities, good schools, racial antipathy from others, that’s just the world of raising a non-white baby.

Remember, this baby is still hers. It might be a shade darker than she anticipated, but genetically this baby is half hers and half some guy’s that she doesn’t know. She doesn’t have to raise the baby any differently than a “100% white” baby, but for the racism of those around her.

In essence, Cramblett isn’t suing because the sperm bank gave her the wrong sperm. She’s not even suing because she doesn’t like black babies. Cramblett is suing because the sperm bank turned her into a black person. They made her have to think and worry and stress like any other parent of a non-white child. The sperm bank took from her the white privilege that she thought was her birthright. Cramblett knows, just as well as I do, that her baby will be treated differently than a white baby. She just didn’t think she’d ever have to deal with it.

And, of course the sperm bank should pay for that. I hope they pay. Again, I’m inclined to think that simply mixing up donors would be enough to win this lawsuit; but since she brought race into it, I want to know what, precisely, we think it’s worth to go from being a parent of a white kid to being a parent of a non-white kid. How much economic loss are we willing to ring up for that? TELL ME. Then pay her. Then open up the f**king treasury and pay ever black mother the same goddamn price.

There’s a line in Remember the Titans (a great, saccharine, historically inaccurate movie) where the white guy is bitching at Denzel because his daughter was visiting when somebody threw a brick through Denzel’s window. Denzel tells the man that maybe he just got a glimpse into what his black daughters have to go through every day.

That’s how I feel about Jennifer Cramblett. I’m sorry for her distress, but welcome to the club.

Lawsuit: Wrong sperm delivered to lesbian couple [Chicago Tribune]

[JeffreyS]

This is in no way racism and with respect to this subject Elie Mystal is an idiot. I am surprised you would post such a dumb take on this subject.

I am sure this sperm bank is very careful except this one time where they could be caught. If they can't even keep track of what race the donor is I wonder about their thoroughness with respect to genetic disorders, donor health and on and on.

Give me a break with criticizing this couple who was obviously lied to about how professional this service was.

They love their daughter and have shouted it at every opportunity.

[sheclown]

Would they be crying like that if they ordered a blonde haired baby and ended up with a red head?

"I ordered a Norwegian and you gave me Irish!" 

It's not a car dealership -- they should be thanking God that their daughter is healthy and happy -- many parents would envy their situation.

[JeffreyS]

So as long as the bank can acquire some spunk and successfully shoot it up in a woman that is all the expectations of protocol any patient should expect.

The author complains on and on about how challenging it is for her to raise her "non white" children and then chides any complaint from someone else.

If the bank can't screen race why should we think any other less obvious screenings would work.

I have read nothing that states the parents don't love and cherish their child.  That is a weak Red Herring argument.

[sheclown]

So as long as the bank can acquire some spunk and successfully shoot it up in a woman that is all the expectations of protocol any patient should expect.

The author complains on and on about how challenging it is for her to raise her "non white" children and then chides any complaint from someone else.

If the bank can't screen race why should we think any other less obvious screenings would work.

I have read nothing that states the parents don't love and cherish their child.  That is a weak Red Herring argument.

I agree they love their child.  That's what the tears are all about.

OMG. My baby should have been white and enjoyed all of the privileged of being white.  Gone.  Gone.  Gone.  Now I have to go to the black side of town to find someone to help with her hair.

[JeffreyS]

So Elie Mystal can complain about those things but if this couple does it is abhorrent.  If those challenges aren't real and there is no white real white privilege then I guess they will lose the case.

My guess is they are trying to get a little money and trying to let this sperm bank know they can't be reckless with the sperm and callous toward the parents and children.

Perhaps these are the worst parents to give an interracial child to. If that is the case don't subject a child to that.

I do not believe this case is about this family I think it is about an irresponsible medical facility that should be called out for not knowing what they put into women.

[sheclown]

I can only imagine what that child will think when she grows up and realizes her parents were so upset about her that they sued.

These parents had the opportunity to bring some valuable experience to their intolerant community and they really blew that chance.  In fact, their actions validate those prejudices.  And they do that at the expense of their daughter.

[thelakelander]

Many of the things she stresses about are the norm for me and my kids.  While I don't stress of getting haircuts, the diversity of schools, neighborhoods, cultural situations, etc. have always been major factors when it comes to my boys. If she's got a racially insensitive family, realistically, that's something you don't want your kid involved with too much regardless of their skin color.  Same goes for schools because the world is getting more racially diverse every single second. Might as well give your kids an educational experience that will better resemble the real world around them. Looking at the map, Uniontown is a suburb of Akron like Mandarin or Orange Park is to Jax.  If that little community sucks, try another area of town.

That aside, I can see why she would sue the sperm back for getting a supply of the wrong organic milkshake.  She ordered vanilla and ended up with a chocolate chip swirl.  In a restaurant, you can get your order replaced or storm out without tipping.  In a sperm bank, things don't really work that way.

[JeffreyS]

I just can't believe people think that this is about the Moms somehow being disappointed in the child they have rather than the way the have been treated.  People raise and love children after being raped that does not mean they liked the conception.  Feeling like this clinic they have trusted deals recklessly with such a big thing in a family's life should be called out.  I know Moms love to judge Moms but give them a break.

[sheclown]

You know, I'm trying to figure out where you are coming from as well. 

What guarantees do any of us have in the whole creating a human life process? 

I understand how the parents are pissed.  I get that.  And yet, the end of the day, how can they possibly feel anything but joy to look on that angel's face?  She's a gift from God.  They need to be grateful to have a healthy beautiful child.

We happen to have a little guy who's a bit of a chocolate chip swirl in our family.  The color of his parents' skin isn't the largest challenge in raising him -- its the "boy" in him which keeps us on our toes.  Then again, Jacksonville is progressive that way LOL.

[peestandingup]

You know, I'm trying to figure out where you are coming from as well. 

What guarantees do any of us have in the whole creating a human life process? 

I understand how the parents are pissed.  I get that.  And yet, the end of the day, how can they possibly feel anything but joy to look on that angel's face?  She's a gift from God.  They need to be grateful to have a healthy beautiful child.

How do you know they're not grateful? It certainly seems like they are. Just because they're suing the sperm bank for a major screwup (which it was. and like it or not, will impact their lives in a town like that) doesn't mean they don't love their child, or the mom "finds out what its like to be a black mother". <That sounds like pure race bait, sorry.

Places like this should be held accountable. Should they just do nothing? Its a complicated issue, so I don't think its fair for us here to try to pass judgement on something we're not directly connected with.

[sheclown]

If we decided not to pass judgment on issues we are not directly involved in, there would be no forum. 

That being said, the issue of race and how we live together, does affect us all. Take a look at recent events. The epicenter of it all boils down to our unwillingness to accept one another.

Tearfully suing over the color of your child's skin seems to say very clearly that the situation is unacceptable.

It is unacceptable because -- due to a random act of sperm confusion -- her child has become "less than" and consequently, a challenge and a confusion to the community the parents live in.   And (ironically, IMHO)  instead of being outraged at the injustice in their society, they are pissed at the mistake

[fsquid]

I'd be pissed too, that stuff isn't cheap

[peestandingup]

If we decided not to pass judgment on issues we are not directly involved in, there would be no forum. 

That being said, the issue of race and how we live together, does affect us all. Take a look at recent events. The epicenter of it all boils down to our unwillingness to accept one another.

Tearfully suing over the color of your child's skin seems to say very clearly that the situation is unacceptable.

It is unacceptable because -- due to a random act of sperm confusion -- her child has become "less than" and consequently, a challenge and a confusion to the community the parents live in.   And (ironically, IMHO)  instead of being outraged at the injustice in their society, they are pissed at the mistake

I agree, but then again it's not their jobs to go on a moral crusade & try to change the world. I'm not exactly sold on the whole "she's different so we gotta move" thing. I of course don't know enough about that town, but I'm assuming its not THAT bad. It sounds like they just wanna sue & hold the place accountable (and rightfully so IMO).

Besides, its not just white kids that make fun of someone for looking different than them. It happens within black communities as well. But yes, I wish none of this stuff was an issue anywhere. We're only perpetuating it further by constantly talking about it, automatically thinking someone was shot just for "being black", etc. Media doesn't help either.

[sheclown]

If no one goes on a crusade to change the world  -- it will never change.

Regarding the "if we stop talking about it -- it will go away" argument, it only "goes away" for those people who wish to maintain the status quo.